i’ve been reading an article in Psychology Today, and it has bearing on all kinds of unsettling work, both personal AND also social and cultural, too:
‘It’s an axiom of psychology that we are some recombination of all of our yesterdays. To move forward wisely, we are therefore often urged to look back. But there’s a point where appreciation and analysis of the past become gum on your psychological shoe. It sticks you in place, impedes forward motion, and, like gum, it doesn’t just disappear on its own. You need to do some scraping.
The power to get past the past does not lie primarily with the nature of events themselves. They count a lot, sure. But so do the steps forward a person is willing to take and how much effort he or she is willing to expend to push some emotional rock up, up, and out of the way.
Getting unstuck involves remembering an injury, but reconsidering it from a different, more empathetic perspective. Moving forward may mean reconfiguring a relationship so that you are less giving, more realistic.
But it rarely means cutting off those ties. Think alteration, not amputation. Getting unstuck requires being truthful with yourself about how you feel—still angry, sad, or anxious, even though you wish you weren’t—but holding out the possibility that someday you might feel better.
Is there anything you can’t get over? Yes and no. You don’t get over it, but you might find a different place to put it. You don’t forget it, but the thought no longer intrudes. You don’t pretend it wasn’t bad, but you have a sense that you can heal. We don’t get over the past. We get past it.’
from Sills, J. (2014, Nov/Dec). Let it go. Psychology today. p. 55